What Will it Take?

Hi all! I am so very sorry I haven't updated in forever. I've been busy with work mostly. Work, and living in denial. Being on this "D" word is rough! I have this pattern. I can do well for about a week and then I say screw it and go back to my old habits. I do have to give myself credit, I've been snacking on healthier foods and drinking more water. But, right now I have PMS and.....

Exactly! I can't stop eating. Two weeks out of the month it isn't so bad, but when I have PMS, it is ridiculous. I feel like I always want something in my mouth.

*Sigh*

So, here is the dilemma I face every day. I suck at this. The only way I can seem to lose a good amount of weight is if I am sick. Earlier this month the fam came down with that horrible stomach bug. I threw up on and off for 12 hours and couldn't eat right for 3 days. Within that three days I lost 5 pounds. I was finally under 190! I weighed in at 189 and was so thrilled. In true Kelli fashion, that was short lived. I gained 4 pounds back. I've been able to stay around 193, which is nice but I need to lose this weight. I'd be ok if I just lost 50 pounds. Or even 25. Just something to show I am not a complete disappointment.

You are probably asking yourself

Well, because I need to tell SOMEONE. I need to hold myself accountable here. The whole point of this blog was to hold myself accountable. I just don't know what it will take at this point to get my brain to work normally. I mean, as normal as can be for me. It is all mental. I know this. It needs to change.

I had a goal to lose by summer, but I don't know if I will reach that anymore. I want to know what it feels like to be skinnier and healthier. I haven't felt that in so long. I owe it to myself.

I will try to keep this blog updated more. I need to figure out how to get over this rough patch. And by patch I mean many years of being a fat-ass. I may need professional help here.....